


Strike

by Madicam



Series: NCT drabbles [5]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2020-02-10 03:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18651553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madicam/pseuds/Madicam
Summary: “I’m tired of hiding it. It’s been months.”“Let me think about it, okay?"





	1. Loss

“I’m just not ready to tell them yet,” De Jun glanced across the bedroom at Yang Yang. De Jun thought he looked cute today, with his auburn hair pushed back with a red beanie, and a colourful top made by a local artist - a big contrast to his own black outfit. 

One of their friends had invited them out for a bowling night. Yang Yang agreed before consulting De Jun and was insisting that they appeared as a couple.

De Jun had his guitar up on his lap, messing around with a few chords. A hobby turned into a nervous tick. “I’m not ashamed of us Yang, you know that. I haven’t even told my mother yet. How am I supposed to-”

“I’m tired of hiding it. It’s been months.”

“Let me think about it, okay? We have a couple hours.” De Jun kept his gaze on the guitar, placing it back on its stand.

Yang Yang nodded, the disappointment clear on his face. “You know I won’t force you to do anything.”

“I know.” De Jun stood, moving from the desk he was sitting at, and joined Yang Yang on the bed. “Telling them all at once is just...scary.”

Yang Yang pulled De Jun into his arms, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Whenever you’re comfortable.”

De Jun couldn’t understand how Yang Yang was so open about his sexuality. After years of trying to work up the courage to tell others, De Jun was still torn down by simple things - tweets and nasty comments. He knew his friends were supportive of Yang Yang, but he was afraid they wouldn’t support them together. As a couple. 

“I want to do it,” he said, coming back from his thoughts. 

Yang Yang glanced at him. “You do?”

“Telling people that I already know are supportive should be easier, right? I mean, they’re our friends.”

“Normally,” Yang Yang nodded, taking De Jun’s hand, and interlacing their fingers. “I can’t tell you it’ll be easy Jun. I know it’s not. But I can assure you that I’ll be your number one supporter.”

“I promise, if not tonight, then soon.”

“Take as long as you need.”

***

De Jun started to get cold feet as they arrived at the bowling alley. Standing in the parking lot, he could see Yang Yang reaching for his hand. De Jun hesitated, looking around. He knew Yang Yang was excited to share their news. He didn’t want to ruin that.

“I’m worried…” De Jun muttered, letting Yang Yang take hold of his hand.

“You’ve got this.” Yang Yang reassured him.

De Jun gulped, nodding, and let Yang Yang lead him inside. They stepped towards the counter. He watched the cashier’s eyes flicker to their intertwined hands, and then back up at their faces.

“What size?” she asked, turning towards the cupboards filled with the ugly shoes. 

Yang Yang stated the sizes for both of them, turning back towards De Jun. “See? People really don’t mind anymore.”

De Jun nodded. He could see their friends at the lane farthest away. They’d noticed that they’d arrived, and were waving, but they couldn’t quite see their connected hands. The cashier handed them their shoes, and De Jun took the opportunity to drop Yang Yang’s hand, grabbing the shoes instead. Leaving Yang Yang to pay, De Jun joined their other friends.

He sat himself down in one of the uncomfortable blue seats, and slid off his shoes to exchange them with the bowling ones. When Yang Yang had made his way over, De Jun turned to hand him the other pair. He was greeted with a cold stare. 

De Jun turned away, pulling his foot up onto the chair to finish tying it. He knew Yang Yang would be upset if nothing was said about their relationship tonight. He just had to work up the courage to do it. 

Ten caught on quickly. “Are you two fighting?” he whispered, slipping into the chair beside De Jun. Ten was usually a loud person, so hearing him speak in such a quiet voice confused De Jun. He noticed that Yang Yang was preoccupied, Yukhei teaching him an under-the-legs method of rolling the ball - much like how a child would roll it before they were strong enough to lift it.

Yukhei had invited them out and paid for three games in advance. The first few rounds were played in silence - at least by De Jun and Yang Yang. The only noise coming from their lane was Yukhei’s laughter, and Ten’s complaints of having to keep score. The music, however, was deafening. It sounded like an eighties playlist - fitting for the retro style of the bowling alley.

“No...no. We just stayed up late last night. Both of us are a little tired,” De Jun replied.

“He practically lives at your house now, doesn’t he?” Ten teased.

“I guess that’s what happens when you get close to someone,” De Jun said, glancing up at Yang Yang, smiling. He hoped that whatever was going to happen tonight wouldn’t change their dynamics too much. 

“Hey, Yang Yang,” Ten raised his voice. “Are you heading to De Jun’s tonight?”

“Wasn’t planning on it. Why?” came Yang Yang’s reply.

De Jun frowned. He thought Yang Yang was. (It was a normal thing for them.)

“So how about a movie night? Like we used to before De Jun stole you away?” Ten teased. De Jun knew there was no malice behind his statement, but he couldn’t help but be upset - jealous even. Especially when Yang Yang agreed to go.

De Jun had been winning this game, but found his score plummeting. Every time he went up to take his turn, he felt dizzy - almost to the point of being nauseous. 

“Man, are you sure you’re feeling alright? Normally you kick our asses,” Yukhei worried.

De Jun shrugged, glancing at the seat across from him, where Yang Yang was sitting. His boyfriend was avoiding his gaze, looking anywhere but at him “I’ll finish this game, but then I’ll probably head out.”

“Yeah, don’t push yourself, dude,” Yukhei said, patting De Jun on the shoulder.

De Jun nodded. They wrapped up the game pretty quickly. Yukhei had convinced Yang Yang and Ten to stay for another. Yang Yang didn’t even look at De Jun when he said goodbye - he offered only a half-hearted wave.

De Jun quickly made his way out, dropping his shoes off at the counter and thanking the cashier. 

Stuffing his hands in his pocket, he stepped outside, glancing at the sky. The moon was full tonight. He’d have some light while walking home at least, since his ride - Yang Yang - had decided to go elsewhere. He made it about halfway - a good 25 minutes - before receiving a text.

_You promised me._

De Jun frowned, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to reply. 

_You said I could take my time._

_I’ve given you three months. I’m tired of having to stop myself from being close to you around them, De Jun. I’m around you all the time and they know I’m gay - they’re starting to get suspicious. I’m tired of telling my mother that I still have no one to bring around for holidays even though I do. I’m tired of lying to my best friends._

De Jun pocketed his phone, continuing his walk home, trying to decide what to say. He was afraid he’d make things worse. 

He didn’t pull out his phone again until he was settled in bed. He missed another few messages.

_De Jun, I can’t be with someone who has to hide all the time._

De Jun felt his chest tighten. _I’ll tell them._

_As much as I hate this limbo we’re in right now, I don’t want you to come out before you’re ready._

_I don’t want to lose you._

De Jun quickly opened a group chat with Yukhei, Ten and Yang Yang. _I have something to tell you guys._

He was met with rapid responses. Yang Yang stayed silent.

_I wanted to tell you in person, but I chickened out. Again. But maybe it’ll be easier for me this way?_

_What is it?_ Yukhei pressed.

_...I’m gay. And, uh, Yang Yang and I are dating?_

_It’s a question?_ Ten quickly shot back. 

_No it’s not a question! I’m just crazy nervous. Yang Yang was literally the only person who knew._

_How long?_ Yukhei questioned. 

De Jun didn’t like that he’d asked. _Three months._

The chat went silent after that. They’d all seen the message, no one had replied. De Jun was praying that it was because they were all watching a movie, that something distracted them. But he knew better. They were upset that he’d waited so long, at the very least. He couldn’t tell what they thought about his sexuality - not based on the texts.

Maybe he’d made a mistake. Maybe he should’ve listened to his gut. He would’ve lost Yang Yang, but he might not have lost everyone. 

De Jun went to bed, wondering if he’d wake up the next morning regretting coming out just as much. 

***

The sound of his alarm woke him up - it’d been going off for almost ten minutes. De Jun groaned, shutting it off and dragging himself out of bed. He pulled his uniform out of the closet, dreading the fact that he had to go to work. Making his way to the bathroom, he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He looked like shit. His dark hair was sticking up - bedhead style - and the bags under his eyes were larger than normal. He didn’t think sleeping alone would be that bad. 

De Jun hoped that Yang Yang wouldn’t visit him. He normally stopped by on De Jun’s breaks to bring him lunch. But De Jun didn’t think he wanted to see him. Or any of his so called friend group for that matter. 

Yang Yang still entered the cafe. He was wearing the same outfit he was yesterday. It was clear he hadn’t gone home.

“Can I take your order?” De Jun asked, forcing a smile as Yang Yang came to the counter. De Jun wished that he could turn him away.

“An americano, two cream, one sugar.” Yang Yang replied. Same as always. “And I’d like to talk to you.”

“I’m working.”

“You have break in five.”

De Jun sighed, but nodded. He shouldn’t avoid it. He turned away from the cash - no one else was in line - and started making Yang Yang’s drink. After letting a coworker know he was taking fifteen, he brought it out from behind the counter and joined Yang Yang at his table.

“What’s up?” 

“I don’t think this,” Yang Yang stated, pointing between them, “is gonna work.”

De Jun froze, his gaze focused on a coffee stain on the table.He couldn’t look Yang Yang in the eye.

“If I stayed with you, I’d be losing my best friend.”

De Jun frowned. “So Ten isn’t okay with it?”

“He said you’ve been holding me back from being myself for the past three months. He’d said I’d changed for the worse,” Yang Yang sighed. “I think he’s right.”

“Okay,” De Jun breathed shakily. He couldn’t believe this. He stood up. “I’ve gotta get back to work.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Of course I’m upset, Yang Yang. But I’ve got a job to do, and I’m not going to lose it because I let my emotions get the better of me. Maybe we’ll talk later.” He knew that was unlikely. Ten always took priority. Who was he to get in the way of that? Ten had known Yang Yang for years - they were like brothers. De Jun only had a few measly months to compare to that.

De Jun walked behind the counter and took a deep breath, trying to convince himself that things would be okay.. Smiling sadly, he watched Yang Yang exit.

He looked at the unfinished transaction on the register, pulled out his wallet, and paid.


	2. Mistakes

“I think I’m going to regret this,” De Jun sighed as he followed Yukhei up the driveway. “Are you sure they’re okay with me joining tonight?”

“It’s just a movie night. I told you we were gonna start small,” Yukhei answered, glancing over his shoulder and giving De Jun a reassuring smile.

De Jun responded with a curt nod. He hadn’t spoken to Yang Yang or Ten in almost two weeks, and here he was, crashing a movie night he’d never before been invited to. He was thankful for Yukhei. Yukhei had continued talking to him, even though the other two had cut him out. Yukhei had given him a reason to break from his normal schedule, even if it was just to hang out and play Mario Kart.

Somehow, Yukhei had convinced De Jun to join for this movie night - at Yang Yang’s house of all places. Yukhei had assured De Jun that the other two were aware that he was joining, but De Jun didn’t believe it. There’s no way that they would have agreed.

De Jun and Yukhei paused at the doorway, waiting for someone to let them in. De Jun kept his eyes focused on the concrete steps below him, trying to ignore his trembling hands and unsteady breathing.

His first mistake was looking up when the door swung open.

His eyes met Yang Yang’s immediately. 

De Jun wanted to melt, to wither away. He couldn’t help but think that Yang Yang looked stunning - as always. He wore a simple outfit - black sweats and a white t-shirt - but De Jun found him captivating nonetheless. Yang Yang’s messy hair brought back memories of waking up beside him, and De Jun found himself quickly looking away - he wasn’t here to be sad. 

Yang Yang spit out a hasty greeting, and stepped aside to let them in. De Jun followed behind him and removed his shoes. Yukhei and Yang Yang has already headed to the living room, so De Jun hurried to catch up. He filled in the empty space on the loveseat - next to Yukhei. He didn’t want to push his limits with the other two so early on in the night.

“So what are we in the mood to watch today?” Ten asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room.

De Jun offered a small shrug. “This is normally a you guys thing - I’m good with whatever you choose.”

“You’re here now, I don’t want to put on something you hate,” Yang Yang added. De Jun thought his tone was almost patronizing - it seemed as if Yang Yang was really trying to pretend that nothing had happened.

“You really can put on whatever. I’m not picky.”

“So something super gory?” Yang Yang teased. He knew that De Jun didn’t like when movies were filled with blood and guts. De Jun had a weak stomach.

De Jun responded with another half-hearted shrug. “Like I said, whatever you want.” He wasn’t expecting to really be watching the movie anyway. He already had his phone in hand - he didn’t really do anything without it anymore. It was like an extra appendage at this point.

Yukhei was quick to smack the device out of his grasp. “At least try to socialize.”

Collectively, the group decided on a comedy, or rather, a series of comedies. 

Yukhei and Ten went into the kitchen to make snacks, leaving the exes alone. “I’m going to have to leave after this first movie. The last bus leaves just after 10:30.” De Jun stated.

Yang Yang shook his head. “You can just crash here.”

“I really don’t want to push.”

“The other two are staying as well.”

“I didn’t bring pjs or anything.” De Jun was trying his absolute hardest to get out of this.

“You can borrow some of mine.”

De Jun gulped, but nodded. It would be rude to keep making excuses. “Alright.”

Yang Yang smiled at him. They sat in a silence somewhere between awkward and comfortable until the others returned to the room. Yukhei and Ten each carried a bowl of popcorn, and returned to their previous seats.

De Jun couldn’t help but watch Yang Yang and Ten’s interactions. The way Ten would feed Yang Yang popcorn; how Yang Yang laughed at all of Ten’s jokes; how they cuddled under a blanket as the movie started.

His second mistake was that he’d agreed to stay the night.

De Jun missed most of the storyline of the first film - he was too focused on other things. Now the rest of his night would be even more unbearable - he couldn’t even attempt to get lost in the movies. 

The group took a bathroom break after the first comedy finished. Yang Yang disappeared into his room, returning in a pair of pjs, with another set in hand for De Jun.

De Jun thanked him and changed in the bathroom. They were about the same so he wasn’t worried about fitting into them. He was just worried that Ten would say something.

De Jun returned to the living room in the striped pjs, sitting again beside Yukhei. Ten started the next film as they all settled in. De Jun spent some time trying to understand the plot, but gave up pretty quickly. He instead let his gaze wander around the room.

His eyes met Yang Yang’s during his visual trip. De Jun looked away immediately, unsure of if Yang Yang had already been looking at him, or if it was just a coincidence.

He was leaning towards the latter until he received a text.

_You look cute._

De Jun glanced over at Yang Yang, only to see the boy smiling down at his phone. De Jun turned back to the TV, deleting the text and locking his phone.

_I mean it._

De Jun frowned, trying to ignore it as best as he could.

_I know we ended on a bad note. I’m sorry. But you really do look lovely tonight._

_Don’t do this,_ De Jun replied.

_Do what?_

_I’m not playing this game, Yang Yang. Just watch the movie._

_As if you are._

_I’m trying,_ De Jun placed his phone down, forcing himself to watch the movie. He waited for a particularly funny part - at least to the others - to slip to the bathroom.

He removed Yang Yang’s pjs and replaced them with his own clothes. Exiting the bathroom, he decided to leave the pjs folded neatly on the kitchen counter. Walking to the entryway, he laced up his shoes and quietly left the house. 

The last bus had already come and gone, so he would have to walk home - seemingly a trend after leaving Yang Yang’s company.

He waited until he arrived home to tell Yukhei he was alive. He waited even longer to text Yang Yang.

_I left your pajamas on the counter._

He realized his third mistake had been communicating with Yang Yang at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I'll get this to happy ending someday lol


	3. Just A Party

“It’s just a party. Don’t worry too much about it.”

De Jun looked over at his roommate. “It’s not that simple, Sicheng.”

He thought his friend had it easy - Sicheng was tall and thin. Everything fit him perfectly. He didn’t have to try to look good. 

And his ex wasn’t attending the party.

“Are you seriously still hung up on that?” Sicheng sighed, stepping toward De Jun and fixing his collar. “Tonight’s about Kun, yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ll just be a couple minutes,” he said, turning to his mirror.

“I’ll go start the car.”

De Jun nodded, running his fingers through his years. After four years, Kun had successfully earned his degree. And after four years, De Jun still yearned for Yang Yang. Stupid.

Tonight was about Kun, and De Jun was determined for it to stay that way. 

***

As he stepped into the house, De Jun was overwhelmed. Lights flashed, music boomed, and the smell of alcohol tainted the air. You know, the usual. Unusual though, was some kid hanging upside down off the stairs, and a dude dressed as Santa (it was April).

Sicheng disappeared quickly into the crowd, leaving De Jun alone in the doorway. 

“Damn it,” he muttered.

Glancing around the room, he figured out the quickest route to the kitchen. One that included the least amount of people. 

The kitchen was empty as he entered it, most people socializing in the living room. De Jun poured himself a glass of water, not being much of a drinker himself. He usually avoided parties. 

“Since when does Kun have so many friends?” he sighed, leaning against the counter. He didn’t understand how people could be so social. In the last four years, De Jun had had a couple close friends (Sicheng and Yukhei), and some acquaintances (Kun and Guanheng). Even then, he only saw Yukhei every couple weeks, and Sicheng more often, but just because they lived together. His mother had told him that growing distant was just a part of growing up. It was starting to seem like she was right.

De Jun wondered if he should join the crowd, if anyone (besides Sicheng) even knew he was here. He supposed he should at least congratulate Kun before he left.

So he walked out of the kitchen, immediately running into someone. He was thankful that it was Yukhei. They exchanged quick greetings, and Yukhei lead De Jun to the room that Kun was in.

“Is he here yet?” De Jun asked Yukhei, as quietly as he could while still being heard over the music. 

Yukhei shook his head. “They’re coming in about an hour if you wanna socialise and get out before then.”

“Thanks,” De Jun smiled. Yukhei and Sicheng were opposites regarding De Jun’s feelings. Yukhei respected his emotions, while Sicheng often told him to get over it. De Jun appreciated both. 

It wasn’t like De Jun hadn’t seen Yang Yang in a long time - they’d hung out as a group just last week. He was just never prepared.

Some nights were better than others, and De Jun was able to handle it. Sometimes it was like he’d never liked Yang Yang in the first place. And then he’d be alone, and his mind would wander.

He thought he was stupid for having this crush for so long, especially when he’d been treated so poorly. But he’d never gone more than two weeks without seeing Yang Yang, so he’d not really had the chance to get over it.

De Jun shook his head clear, and made his way over to Kun, giving him a hug, and a congratulations. He sat nearby for a while, listening in on the conversations. He learnt quickly that: Kun was moving away to go to grad school, Guanheng had a girlfriend, and that Yukhei was getting a dog. Apparently he’d missed a lot.

Missing things was all he seemed to do now.

***

Yang Yang and Ten arrived separately. 

Ten arrived quarter past nine, already drunk. He greeted everyone but De Jun. They hadn’t been on good terms for a long time. De Jun wasn’t phased by it. Ten was barely civil sober.

Yang Yang didn’t show up until almost eleven. And seemingly without a drop of alcohol in his system. He was quieter than normal, but De Jun was certain he had some sort of reason. Maybe he didn’t want to outshine Kun tonight.

De Jun watched Yang Yang’s mood brighten as he started interacting with others. Somehow Yang Yang got along with everyone, stranger and friend alike. De Jun wished he could be like that. 

Letting Yang Yang take over the bulk of the conversation, De Jun sunk back into his chair, wondering if he should get himself ready to go. As the night progressed, Yang Yang and Ten would likely fill the room with PDA, and De Jun definitely wasn’t in the mood to see that. 

He let himself fall farther into his chair as Yang Yang sat on the arm of it. De Jun was almost certain Yang Yang hadn’t even processed that he was sitting there (the boy was so wrapped up in his story), but he didn’t want to engage in a conversation. Not tonight. 

Yang Yang sitting on the arm of the chair quickly turned into Yang Yang squishing himself beside De Jun in the seat. De Jun hadn’t even been acknowledged yet, but he was practically being sat on. 

“Dude...seriously?” he finally spoke up, earning Yang Yang’s attention. 

“What?” Yang Yang started. “Oh shit, uh, sorry,” he said, clearly noticing their proximity. “I can move, there just aren’t exactly a lot of seats. I didn’t mean to like, fall onto you.”

“It’s okay. I was gonna go get some air anyway.” De Jun removed himself from the situation, finding his way onto Kun’s back porch. 

He slumped against the railing, taking a deep breath. The air was refreshing, and didn’t taste of stale liquor. He was thankful for that. The music was slightly muffled behind the closed door, and for a moment, he felt like he could think clearly. 

Was Yang Yang actually unaware of who was sitting in that seat? Or was he trying to push it? Maybe he thought that they were closer than De Jun felt them to be. 

De Jun tesnsed when he heard the door open, but kept himself facing the trees in the backyard. It was probably just someone coming out for a smoke.

“Jun..?”

De Jun spun around. Yang Yang was standing barely two steps away from him. 

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” Yang Yang continued. “I thought we were, well, closer now, and that me trying to act a little more casual around you would be okay.”

Nodding, De Jun tried to find his words. “No, it’s fine, I just..” he paused. “You took me by surprise is all. Didn’t think that was something that Ten would be okay with.”

Yang Yang’s face morphed into one of confusion. “Why would Ten care?”

“Well aren’t you guys-’

“We broke up like a month ago.”

“Oh.” De Jun froze. Yang Yang and Ten had still been pretty close when they hung out last week. “What happened?”

“He’s moving across the country. I’m not good with distance,” Yang Yang shrugged. “I wanted to tell you first, but I felt like you wouldn’t want to hear it," he hesitated over his next choice of words. "Why don’t we talk anymore?”

De Jun grimaced. “Because Ten told you I was changing you.”

“I guess I was pretty blindsided.”

Yang Yang laughed awkwardly, running his hands through his hair. De Jun couldn’t take his eyes off him. 

They stood in silence for longer than De Jun would’ve liked.

“I’m gonna go back inside,” De Jun started.

Yang Yang quickly grabbed his wrist. “Stay. I-” he fumbled. “Can we start over?”

De Jun hesitated, but found a smile growing onto his face. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally made it to the end y'all  
> While there might not be more to this story, I am always willing to write more about these lovely boys (and am totally open to suggestions!)   
> Thanks for reading :))


End file.
